


On Full Moons

by Elvensmith



Category: PIERCE Tamora - Works, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M, Series: Protector of the Small
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 20:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8299963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvensmith/pseuds/Elvensmith
Summary: Alan of Pirate's Swoop's is a new knight and supposed to marry Karienne of Crow's Nest, but as the boring months go by, he isn't so sure that he really wants an arranged marriage.
Originally written as a One-Shot for Merry Ficmas Exchange 2012 on Lake Goldenlake, now being developed into a multi-chapter work.





	1. An Arranged Marriage

"What are you thinking about when you sit down here?" Karienne of Crow's Nest asked, spreading out her skirts before carefully sitting on the blanket. She took a strawberry from a bowl she'd brought and held it up to him. She was practicing little displays of affection.

He opened his eyes, frowning a little at being pulled out of his peaceful reverie, but took the red fruit obediently. He chewed it slowly, watching the girl with a wary eye. Karienne ignored his apparent displeasure at her presence and smiled thinly, eating three strawberries one after the other. She always looked strained when she smiled.

"You, of course. What else?" He smiled and took another strawberry.

"I mean, really," she said, raising an eyebrow. "How can I trust you when you lie so easily, Alan?"

He chuckled. "How can I not, when you ask me a question that no one can answer?"

"I thought you care for me enough to try. You come here for hours and just sit. What am I to think?" There was no anger in her voice. Maybe she truly believed that he _cared_ for her.

"I like the way the lake sounds," he said. Alan of Pirate's Swoop closed his eyes and lay back down, fed up with missing the last few minutes of his reflection time. He'd known that meek little Karienne would eventually summon the courage to join him, but he'd thought it would take much longer.

"Sorry," she said, her voice quieter now, losing confidence. "I didn't mean to--"

"I don't mind, Kari," he murmured, hiding his annoyance so that she would not cry. It wasn't that she'd ever cried in front of him, it was that he always thought she would. He always had to remind himself of how sensitive she was.

"You probably want to be alone," she said, and cleared her throat. He heard her skirts swish as she stood up and then the squelch of the mud under her boots as she quickly trudged up the hill.

Alan hated her for making him hate himself. He opened his eyes and glared up at the sky for a few seconds before running after his betrothed, catching up to her just as she was entering the kitchen garden. She didn't turn to look at him. He followed her quietly through the garden and up to the giant oak, where she sat on a swing and glared at him, reminding him so much of his young nieces and nephew that he had to smile.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and waited for her to say something. It turned out to be quite a wait, seeing as both of them were patient people. The sun was setting and Alan was busy trying to kill mosquitoes when Karienne spoke up. "I don't," she paused, searching for the right words, "I want this to be comfortable. And I... I want you to like me, but it seems as though everything I do makes you upset."

"You shouldn't try so hard," he said. Indeed, it wasn't that she was so quiet that annoyed him, but that she forced herself not to be when she was around him.

"When I was little, I dreamed that I would marry someone I loved, a love so powerful that my betrothal to some evil lord was broken. It didn't take me long to realize that that wasn't going to happen for me, and when my parents told me that I was to marry you, I promised myself that I was going to make the best of it. Don't you want to be happy?" she asked, her cheeks red and her blue eyes intense. She'd thought this over again and again in her head.

Alan had never heard her be so open. It shocked him now to learn that her strange bravery when she was so obviously cripplingly shy was not the trait of a delusional person, but of someone who was simply much nicer, and much more courageous than he. She, at least, had not given up on happiness.

"Have you ever courted before this?" he asked, leaning against the big oak and closing his eyes.

"No," she said. "I've barely ever left Crow's Nest. Why?"

"I was just wondering. I'm sorry to be so disagreeable," he told her softly. "I didn't really know what to expect. I mean I figure I might as well settle down, you know. I was sick of Court. Of sitting there with annoying girls whispering about me all night, trying to dance, not caring what I said..." Even as he said it, he felt incredibly selfish. This girl had worked hard the past month, trying to get to know him, trying to make a good marriage possible because she knew she had no other option. But he had the nerve to talk about how he was just sick of being sought after. He wanted to think that it was she who had simply resigned herself to old customs, but he knew that he was just being a spoiled brat. He had asked for an arranged marriage just like he had simply decided to become a page at thirteen. He couldn't blame her for his dissatisfaction.

"And what am I to say to that?" she asked. "Of course you didn't know what to expect! It was an arranged marriage. It's not as though one gets a trial period to test it out first." Every remnant of her fragility vanished. She'd tried hard to keep displeasure to herself, while he just flung it about, thinking that she was to silly to notice.

"I'm sorry. Normally I don't have to say all that much, you know. I just keep quiet and they can work out all the answers themselves," he said. He sat down in the tall grass and gave himself up to the insects.

"We're married in two months," she simply stated. The creaking of the swing ceased and he opened his eyes to see her peering down at him curiously. "You, at least, have courted. I am doing this all by feel and I'm really," she stopped. "How are we to live the rest of our lives together..." her voice grew thick but she held back any tears she might have wanted to shed. He had a feeling that there were a lot of them. He saw that she was probably one of those people that were pretty when they cried. He also fully appreciated how short-sighted he'd been.

"I wish I could be more open with you-- tell you who I am-- but the truth is, I don't really know. Everyone else in my life is so much louder than I, and I always kind of fed off of them. Even in training, I wasn't really there for me. I've never been just me..." he stopped, suddenly feeling naked. These weren't revelations, but it felt strange to say them out loud. And Alan wasn't in the practice of talking about himself.

"The son of Alanna the Lioness is confused," she laughed.

He smiled, realizing that he'd very rarely heard Kari laugh, but his mother was the last thing he wanted to talk about. "The son of Alanna the Lioness, betrothed," he said dryly.

She registered that he wasn't trying to be funny. "I always wondered why she'd arrange a marriage for you, seeing as she herself didn't even marry a noble."

"I gave up on trying to understand my mother years ago." He closed his eyes again. Alan had never been the confrontational type, but the last time he'd spoken with his mother wasn't the most pleasant of conversations. They hadn't spoken since.

"You know, I knew about you before my parents set up the betrothal. A lot of the girls at the convent thought you were a very eligible bachelor. I always thought it was sort of absurd and that knights had to be the most pretentious people ever. Well, not more pretentious than girls at convents... I was quite proud of my cynicism then." She wandered back over to the swing and he could hear it go back and forth, the tree creaking its displeasure.

He opened his eyes just as the sun's dying rays set her hair on fire. Indeed, he could not deny that Karienne was beautiful. Not in an immediate sort of way, but in the kind of way that snuck up on you, sinking into your palate. In a way that, by the time that he'd noticed how beautiful she was, it couldn't surprise him anymore. But even though there was something to be said for her authenticity, he didn't know that he could live his life happily with someone who talked just as little as he. He buried the thought-- it was what he always did when discomfort crept up in him.

"Well since you were obviously never interested in me, have you ever wanted to court someone else?" he asked. He heard her leather boots skid in the dirt as the tree groaned a sigh of relief.

"Of course." She didn't seem to want to talk about it.

"Well then why didn't you ever court?" he prodded.

"I don't think he felt the same way," she said in a small voice. "He's gone now anyway. No one else seemed interesting or interested, so my parents figured they might as well arrange for me to get married. All the rest of my older sisters married for love before the age of 20."

"You're only 21."

"That's old for a girl. Especially a girl of rank with all the proper accomplishments. I just have never been intriguing or anything, you know? Sometimes, they'd ask me for the first dance, but no one ever came back for another." She seemed remarkably unperturbed by what she was saying. Maybe she was confident that Alan would make sure he'd never let that happen to her again. It astounded him that she could have so much faith in him, when he himself had so little.

"Well it's true that we exchanged, at the most, three words the first week," he chuckled. He thought he knew how she felt, being himself a very quiet person. "If I weren't my mother's son, no one would ever be interested."

"If I didn't have four other eligible, and far more accomplished sisters, I'm sure people might care about me," she said in the same tone, and then giggled a little. "You know, despite the fact that you never show how you feel, I've never been so unafraid of talking to anyone."

He turned onto his belly and looked up at her. She seemed a lot happier than she had been five minutes ago. He wished he felt the same way, but every moment, he could feel the permanence of the situation tying him down. He liked her more, perhaps, but he just wouldn't shake his fear.

"Alan! Are you up here?" He sat up to see who was calling, but the hedge cut off his view of the grounds.

"I think that's your mother," Karienne said. He could hear her voice shrink to what is had been that morning just as the vigor of conversation washed away from her cheeks.

The gate to the kitchen garden creaked open and his mother strode through, looking winded and travel-worn, but happy to see him. Alan got up to give her a hug, but it was not full of the same warmth that it would have been a year ago. "It's been a while," he murmured into her graying copper hair.

Alanna let him go and turned to Karienne. "It's wonderful to see you again, Kari. You look well."

"Thank you, milady, " she responded, getting off the swing in order to perform a proper curtsy.

"None of that. You can call me Alanna."

"So what brings you to Crow's Nest?" Alan asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Can't be a social visit," he said with a tight smile, although it wasn't really a joke.

She caught the hint and gave him a cool look. "Your father wants you down for your birthday within the week. He's planning all sorts of mischief-- you know him."

"I don't see why. What's there to celebrate? I'm not even really a knight," he sighed. "The most I ever did was take a stroll with the Own before the betrothal." He had long suspected that Alanna had asked Jon not to send him to battle before the marriage, but he mostly cast off such suspicious as absurd. Even if his mother had asked, he doubted that Jon had enough knights that he could spare even one.

"They'll find something for you to do. For now, why don't you just enjoy the relaxation?" Alanna replied with a forced smile.

"Because that's what you're known for," Alan retorted sarcastically.

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Probably because pa forced you to or it was on the way to some hero's errand of yours."

She looked away and didn't respond. She had a way of staying quiet just long enough for Alan to regret the things he'd said.

"When should we leave?" Karienne asked, breaking the tension.

"His birthday is next weekend, so soonest is best," she replied. "I'll be back home for the party if something doesn't come up." And with that, she left Alan and Karienne alone to enjoy the setting sun.


	2. In the Rose Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan and Karienne travel back to Pirate's Swoop for his birthday.

 

They left the next day at noon, deciding not to pack much, considering how close Crow's Nest was to Pirate's Swoop. Alan's room was hadn't been touched since he first left to train as a page at the palace, and he always cherished coming back to his childhood things. Now, however, his parents had set up a suite overlooking the sea for the betrothed couple. Thus far in their relationship, Alan had been sleeping on the sofa in the common room of their suite at Crow's Nest. He expected they would do the same here. But at least he knew all the escape routes at Pirate's Swoop-- Aly would have disowned their kinship if he hadn't learned every secret that their childhood home held.

Still, he wasn't sure about what "home" might mean this time. He hadn't lived there since he'd been 15, and he already noticed the people he'd grown up playing with and being coddled by had different expectations of him. They looked at him differently, interpreted his actions differently. Several times on the road, he wanted to kick Dust into a gallop and find some spidren nest to fight and never return to the people he knew. He had never been a restless person, but he'd also never spent so much time with so much quiet. Karienne was the opposite of his family and the opposite of life at the palace. He needed someone to talk to him without caring what he said in reply. Someone who would take the reins and find some adventure for him to quietly accompany them on. The more he thought about it, the happier he was that he was going home.  
  
He'd only just started unpacking in his old room when his father came in with a tea set and biscuits. "You're pretty lucky," he smiled, pouring two cups of what smelled like an ogre's rear end.  
  
Alan sat down in a chair and took a close look at the drink, unsure of whether or not it was safe to ingest. He finally decided his father was not trying to murder him, even though that wasn't the worst thing that could happen, and took a sip. Immediately, the muscles in his stomach and spine released and the worries of the day's travel began to melt away. It was probably something his grandmother had cooked up. "How am I lucky?" he said, looking at his father with suspicion. He and his father had always gotten along. They were simple men, surrounded by complicated women.  
  
"Truth to tell, I wish I'd had such a polite bride," he chuckled. "She seems kind-hearted."  
  
"She is," Alan replied.  
  
"Your girl offered to take care of decorations and whatnot, just so you can use the this time to relax."  
  
Alan let his annoyance show. "I..." he took a sip of the tea, trying not to seem too ungrateful. "I don't _want_ to relax. It seems like no one wants me to do anything with myself. What have I even done to deserve a party? I did more as a squire than I'll probably ever do as a knight, if things go on like this." His voice was quiet, but his frustration was plain.  
  
George didn't respond right away, but he did not seem shaken. "You sound like your ma. She always had to be doin' somethin'," he said after a while.  
  
"But it's not that. I'm fine not doing something for a little while, but I've literally done nothing since I was made a knight. The last time I took out my sword was to polish it for the ceremony!"  
  
"You didn't even want to be a knight at first, Alan. You did it 'cause you thought someone ought to," his father said calmly. "But how about that lass. She ain't worth the wait?"  
  
Did Alan's parents think he loved Karienne? Perhaps they had forgotten that his was an arranged marriage. "I don't know if you've noticed, but she talks about as much as a butterfly." George shrugged. "Well I'm not used to that." He paused before saying the next thing, since he'd barely admitted it to himself. "I wish she were more like ma."  
  
George raised his eyebrows. "Well, I regret to be sayin' it son, but you gave that up when you asked for an arranged marriage. You said you were sick of courtin'. Couldn't blame you."  
  
"But I was 18 when I said that!"  
  
They sat in silence for the next few minutes, both realizing that Alan wanted to break his betrothal. "I wish I had a solution for you," George finally said. "But it's been a month, and she's got a family and it would be foul of you."  
  
"She's likable," Alan commented.  
  
"You'll be okay, Alan. You always are," George sighed.  


Alan swallowed another mouthful of tea. He didn't think he'd ever heard his own voice so much in his life. His father stood up and stretched. "Why don't you an' me get out sometime whilst yer here?" Alan looked up at him, not wanting to seem too excited. "Best be quiet about it- you'll know when it's time," George winked at his youngest son.

Alan chuckled to himself as his father left the room. His family was a bunch of tightly-wound cracknobs, and he'd never counted himself among them. But even if he wasn't quite so restless or quite so crazy, they'd completely ruined sanity for him. 

* * *

  
  
The next week and a half was full of the kind of action that Alan was very happy not to be a part of. He spent most of the time outside with an old friend of his, Otto, training vigorously while the rest of the Pirate's Swoop household invited and cleaned and cooked and decorated and arranged. He wasn't sure why the party was going to be so big-- 22 wasn't exactly a milestone, after all-- and he wasn't sure who they'd invite, considering he didn't have a particularly large amount of friends, but he left well enough alone. He decided that it was probably just his father's excuse to throw a party without his mother objecting to it. His father never had time to go to Corus, and his parties as King of the Rogues were a bit different from noble parties. He stayed out in the village to keep himself away from artificial hugeness of it all. It was just too frustrating to watch his family organize a party celebrating his worthlessness. So he hunted and trained with his friend until he forgot that he had cornered himself into a marriage with a nice girl that he didn't love and barely passed as a knight.  
  
Alan had never been like Raoul when it came to parties, but four years with his former knight-master and his bad mood did not make him want to be any more involved in the festivities than he had to be. He found himself on the porch under the full moon with all the awkward young couples, listening to some sort of recent jig that everyone liked. It certainly wasn't like the parties at the palace with slow waltzes and squires and pages serving the food and drink. His father had effectively common-ized the party, having the guests get drinks and food on their own and entertaining them with popular tunes as opposed to traditional dance orchestrations. But, nonetheless, it was a party with more dancing than talking, which was something he'd always disliked. He watched Raoul and Buri dance a jig while Myles downed glass after glass of mulled wine and his mother tried to debate politics over the roar of a french horn. It all seemed utterly ridiculous.

He saw someone else come out onto the porch out of the corner of his eye, strangely alone and kissing partner-less. And considering that he was effectively tucked away in a corner, she probably hadn't come out to bother him. He shifted to see her face. Surprisingly, it was Keladry of Mindelan. He'd talked to her a few times in his life, but they didn't really know each other, despite the fact that they'd shared a knight-master. From the very little gossip that he was privy to, she'd apparently made herself quite scarce and was rarely ever seen at functions. He'd never thought of her as a party goer. She was dressed in a plain blue dress that reminded him of the Yamani in the way that it made her seem part of the summer night, painted in ivory moonlight. He went inside to get a glass of lemonade before coming back out to greet her.  
  
"Hello, Kel," Alan said with a smile. "Long time no see?"  
  
Kel snorted. "It has been a while," she replied nonchalantly, as though trying to excuse herself from her unmaidenly snort. "I daresay we've never really talked."  
  
"But that is all in the past," he told her. He handed her the glass of lemonade. "I am a knight now." Kel had always intrigued him, if not because she seemed more straightforward than anyone he'd ever known then because they'd both had the same knight-master.  
  
"And that puts paint to our age difference," she said quietly. She must have thought of his comment as a flirtation. Perhaps she was flirting back.

"Well, you don't look a day over 25!" he joked.

"Perhaps because I'm not," she elbowed him.   
  
They stood in silence for a while, watching lovers kiss in the rose garden, listening to the festivities inside. They could smell the salt from the sea carried in by a chilly breeze that brought up goosebumps on their skin. He felt like they had always been there, as though they were meant to be talking under the full moon at some party, while he was two months away from marriage to a girl he didn't want to marry and about as useless to the Crown as one could be. And here he was, mocking the festivities inside while he himself was a joke.  
  
"You know, while training, I looked up to you," Alan said suddenly. "We kept hearing stories from the Scanran war about you. A hero."  
  
Kel blushed and shrugged. "I didn't do much."  
  
He looked at her, eyebrows raised. He laughed and shook his head. "You're kind of like my mother, that way."  
  
"In what way?" He shrugged. She downed her glass of lemonade and ignored his comment. "Why are you out here? Aren't you the host?"  
  
"I miss Raoul so much that I can't help but emulate him," he said helplessly. "Do tell, how long does it take to be able to bare parties again once you've been under Raoul's tutelage?"

She laughed at that. "Oh it doesn't ever quite go away, although I pray to Mithros every day for the strength to  _dance_." 

"Alan?" It was Kari. She looked stressed, but dazzling in a rose gown that complimented her golden skin. "I'm sorry to interrupt,"  she said quickly, noticing Kel. Kel shrugged-- Alan envied her nonchalance. "There's a bit of cake, and Raoul was looking for you. They were saying you ought to have some of your own birthday cake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the chapters I wrote for the One-Shot, so there will be more of a departure after this. The next chapter will probably be laying some groundwork about the last few years for Kel.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> As mentioned in the summary, this started out as a one-shot with the first three chapters for an exchange on Goldenlake. I've been wanting to revisit it FOREVER, and uploading it to AO3 is sort of allowing me to add to the story. I'm a big fan of Kel/no one, at least at the end of Lady Knight, but I wanted to experiment with what her future might look like with a character we don't see a lot of. 
> 
> The first three chapters were written quite a while ago, so please PLEASE feel free to give me notes! I hope anyone who reads this enjoys!
> 
> -Elven


End file.
